How Media Can Help Stop Rape —One Man’s Awakening
Not very long ago, I actually engaged in the group lamentation. I have to shamefully admit that I did some victim-blaming of my own in my teens. I’d tell friends that women getting drunk in the presence of men were asking for it. That wearing “slutty” clothes and partying late with men exposed women to rape. (Bear in mind though that most of this was when I had never set foot outside Pakistan, so I wasn’t exposed to much of what I am now in terms of information.) My attitude was shaped by media and societies both here and abroad obsessed with the rapist and what happens to him rather than what happens to the survivor.
My first step away from victim-blaming was my experience of dating a survivor.
She’d been raped years before we started dating, but it affected every aspect of our life together. I frequently awoke at 4 a.m. to find her curled up and crying on the opposite side of the bed, or discovered her staring at the ceiling and wanting to be left alone for hours. I was repeatedly told that she wasn’t good enough for me or anyone. The thing is, if she hadn’t told me that her behavior was caused by her rape, I never would’ve guessed.
The second step was looking into the numbers. Finding out that 1 in 5 women are sexually assaulted in the United States during their lifetime was shocking to say the least. Even more shocking was that a small number of rapists are likely responsible for a large number of the rapes. My first thought was, “Gosh, I definitely know at least a few women who have been raped,” but then I quickly shot myself down. “Probably not. They would’ve told me.”
And here’s why I think the media stops itself from getting into the details of the victim’s suffering or the numbers.
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I figured it was just a freak accident, that my other friends were more careful and likely have avoided getting raped—that kind of thing. I was wrong. I got a message from another friend a few weeks later about her rape. Since then, every time I’ve written about rape, I’ve had more friends confess to me that they, too, have been raped.
